2025 - The Full Me 👨‍👨‍👦‍👦

My first try to write a poem or whatever this now is…

I. The Rational Enemy

I started with a motto I didn’t understand:
Depth over width.
I thought it was a strategy.
I thought logic was my shield,
But I was just a figure in a hidden drama,
Trying to outthink the hurt.
I had to learn that pain relies on surprise,
And if you turn to face it, it disappears.

The pedestal of pressure was high.
I built a Consulting-Mauer to hide behind,
A Giant Sad Me with a ball in the throat.
I filmed sausages with blocked lungs.
Procrastination wasn’t laziness,
It was a bodyguard.
It was Little Daniel saying: Stop.

II. The Somatic Crash

Then, the body took over.
The body flash. Zippedizapp.
A flash behind the eyelids.
The healing didn’t happen in the head,
It happened in the white room.
I saw the stone under the gas pedal,
Held by a guardian for dear life.
I took it.
I threw it away.

Suddenly, I reversed like Benjamin Button,
A sobbing infant,
A 13-year-old with a Gameboy in the back seat.
The car is moving.
200kmh. 300kmh.
The mountains pass by.
I am the Driver.

III. The Deep

I took the silence down with me.
Twenty-seven meters into the blue.
Four minutes without breath.
No panic. No pressure.
Just free immersion.
While the world stayed on the surface,
I learned to be comfortable in the crushing weight.
My body learned to be safe
Where it shouldn’t be possible to breathe.

IV. The Lighthouse

The frequency changed.
I realized my “thin skin” wasn’t a weakness,
It was a compass.
I stood as a lighthouse, not a rescue swimmer.
I stopped jumping into the waves to save them.
Some friends drifted away.
Some friends went silent.
But I learned the hardest lesson of the year:
My Shit - Your Shit.
Radical acceptance.
Compassionate distance.
A new silence that felt like safety.

V. Lúa de Mel

And in that spaciousness,
She appeared.
Not to complete me, but to expand me.
I wanted to devour the energy.
A connection so intense it felt like a collision.
“I might get a bit attached,” she said.
“Great,” I replied. “I am already in it.”
We built a space where walls could be walls,
And still be climbed over.
No filter. No performance.
Just a “Lúa de mel” in the mind.

VI. Positive Gleichgültigkeit

Now, I sit in a cafe.
I could go left. I could go right.
I could work. I could not.
It is a profound, positive Gleichgültigkeit.
The car is full.
The baby is sleeping.
The teenager is safe.
The giant is calm.
And I am at the wheel.

I look back at January.
It wasn’t a strategy after all.
I stopped chasing the width of the world,
And found the depth in myself.

I have no idea how,
But I am an amazing person.
I don’t just feel it.
I believe it.
It is, finally, the full me.